What is LOVE?

To begin with... i think about it... i don't even know how to love someone anymore... Maybe because my failure for my love life... i don't understand love... or maybe i'm scare to be hurt again... because my ex make me until !@#$%^&*(^%#!$#&!^@$#!*&%#$!&*@@$*!&%^$!!... i don't understand why i alway be so kind even i'm damn hurt... so fuck up... i don't understand myself... anymore... i want to be heartless!!! NA BEI!!!! WHY I'M SO IDIOTIC DE!!!! I DON"T WANT BE SAINTLY KIND!!! I WANT BE DEMONIC EVIL!!!!