Sadness....

Thinking at Work...

Since october 31 it been 2 months 3days... I still cannot get over the feeling for her... I still miss her... still heartache all the time... even she had a boyfriend...I still want to talk to her... but I guess she is happy with her life now... but I getting more and more depress... because I lost my job again zzzzz I get sacked... because my working perform was not good... maybe I too easy get affected by my emotion... I not robot what zzz of cause will get affected by mood ma... sian... need to find new job again... feel so useless sia... can't even do a job well still want to find love... feel like a total idiot... and chinese new year coming and I don't know what to do... maybe stone at home... and rest for this month and than start working again next month... going KL sunway lagoon on 23th to 27th with Ck and Js and maybe Yl for holiday wish that day will come faster and have enough money to have fun~...I really need to take a break if not I going to kill myself sooner or later... going to get depression soon liao... zzzzzz... hopefully after my NS I will be a better guy... without my childishness... be a more hard working and serious person...

I will write until here for a long time didn't update haha

It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over.

Nothing to do lol~

Finally get a new phone... very small and handy haha... look cute also haha...

Been working almost for 3months... and it a nice job... and I don't really care about the pay is little lol as long as I can live it ok with me lol~ still haven't get notice for my ns... wish it will delay longer!! haha than I can enjoy more...

haiz... feeling stress... feel like crying all the time... chest ache every second...
I think i got phobia with girl boy relationship lol I like the girl but I don't dare to tell... that why I still a idiot until now... everytime I wanna do something it alway too late... I hate last minute!!
I never going to plan for anything liao... it suck... If I can't have her I going to stay single forever~ it more easy for me... even I not going to have kids still have my brother to continue our family bloodline...

nothing to write liao lol...
hope of one day I can be with her walking at a beach during sunset...(maybe a little old school lol)
Until next time...

My Birthday...

October 31... my birthday... 1st thing.. before my birthday... 1st is I fall down and elbow bleed... 2nd spring my back and neck... what a unlucky birthday... every year alway happen bad things before my birthday... I wanna cry... but this year it totally suck... move my elbow = pain... turn my neck to right side also pain... move my back also pain... crap... somemore every year rain... totally halloween day feeling lor... so unlucky for me to be birth on this day... everything go bad before my birthday but good things is that there is alway someone be there to wish me happy birthday... i'm happy because of the wishes...I don't mind if i don't get any birthday present but the heart to sms or call me and say happy birthday is important to me... so everyone who see this must sms or call me to say happy birthday ALRIGHT!!!! but this year too many bad things happen... it kind of hit me very hard... still hard to over come it... but it will take time...
ok let talk about today... firstly~! in the morning go eat breakfast with mother but before I go out... when I drink a glass of water... a very strong pain suddenly hit my chest... I knee down right away when the pain hit... I don't know why but chie kuan say it because I overwork so maybe I should relax more but at work there are stupid people also... so it hard not to get angry... but I guess I just have to bear with it...and after that I go home use com until 2pm... go east coast park with Chie kuan and Ming da~!! my primary school friends~
but when we reach there it already going to rain... like alway my birthday = rain... get use to it anyway... but we go there play with skate haha but I not that good... i can't brake lol... but after we play abit than it start to rain and it super heavy... after that we went home... i come home and bath and the wound at my elbow is !@#$%^&*()_+!!)*&$*@$ pain... after that use com again until 8+pm ting fang call me and ask me today is what day lol... of cause i know today is my birthday la... but still alot of people forget!!!! but nevermind lor...it ok also... since I don't really celebrate... so it ok i guess... and she buy me a chocolate cake... lol and she buy too big I guess lol
only got 5 people still got half left lol... haha be breakfast tomorrow I guess... haha... She send me a birthday wishes but I don't feel enough... I want to chat with her on phone but she didn't pick up... maybe she is asleep so it ok... Wish to hear her voice again... But am I worth enough?
But now what I'm thinking is... who am I to her and what is she to me?
For me? She is the one i truly liked with all my heart... But I don't understand about her... but I wish to learn more about her... what she like? what she hate? and what her favorite? but I don't have a chance to stay close to her... but I didn't even meet her in real life before... but I don't know what life will happen next...So i guess it time for me to let her go... so I guess my only wish can be...

NEXT IS WHAT I WISH FOR WHEN I BLOW MY CANDLE!!!!

IT THE SIMPLE WISH EVER!!!

it is... I wish everyone will be happy and healthy...And all your dreams come true..
it not a big wish... gods... don't make me lost my faith in you... this is all I wish for...
And a Special wish it to keep for myself~

That all~! hope everyone is happy!!!

Nothing to say...

Losing my sense of humor, hope and don't feel like talking anymore... alot of things happened... my brother don't like the way i talk... The one I like(Don't dare to say love) had a boyfriend...When I just heard it I feel like a gun shot direct into my heart... wanna cry but can't... just wish she can be happy... nothing else is needed... just when I wanna to do something... but it too late... it doesn't matter anymore... Just hope that guy is the right guy for her...
Since I don't really understand her...maybe this is the right thing to happen... as long as she is happy it doesn't matter to me... I will never going to have a girlfriend anymore... I swear to myself... If I can't have her...I going to be single for the rest of my life... chinese alway say... don't give up the whole forest because of one tree... but sometime the whole forest only has one tree that is you like the most... and no matter what happen you only want this tree... if I can't get that one tree... i rather give up the whole forest...
Back to following life...
Don't feel like doing anything anymore... Just let it be...
Don't feel like doing anything for my birthday just want to sleep whole day... no mood to play any game or eat... can't sleep at night... chest just keep hurting... every single second... Eat sweets feel like it is too sweet...eat salty things feel like it too salty... somehow don't feel like eating anything even I'm hungry... today only finished 1 cup noodle...
Don't even want to think about anything anymore... just do what I'm told to do... Sorry if I talk to softly everyone because i totally don't feel like talking... Really moody to the depth of hell...

Been Thinking...

What if I can do something for everyone?
What can it be?
Have fun together?
Eat lunch together?
Chat with each other?
Is that all?

We are getting older everyday but our way of thinking is not the same as everyone...
I wish to understand what other think of me... and i wish to understand everyone...

I don't even know what I am typing lol
Just wish to live happy in this life time...
Be with the one i love... Do the thing i like... Be with my friends...

Now...

My brother, My playmate, My playmate girlfriend and me

Haizz... started work now no mood to play game anymore... need to find a new hobby... don't feel like buying comic anymore... only thinking of saving money... want buy ps3 and a new laptop~ want to go to friend house and play game together~ haha...

Sian... why i make up my mind and thing just don't go as i plan... so fed up... just want to tell her... but because of work cannot meet her anytime i want... and somehow can get off yet cannot meet... sian sia... been moody like alway.. kena 3 complain because of rubbish... sick and lost my voice... work until my voice like a freak and pain like hell... finally recovery yet been bother by this... just want to make it clear that i like her like i alway do... just want to let her know...

sian let continue some other time... with more information~ lol

My Thought...

Why is it so hard to understand love... Why is it love can be so painful... how to understand this single feeling...and if someone have a gf/bf they want to be a good guys and give everything to their partner but their partner might think is not enough...but be a bad guys don't really do anything they think you don't care... see my friends so sad i also sad...zzzz i can't do anything to help... but can only listen to their problem... i cannot really give you guys any advice but at least you can tell me about it and relax alittle...

And in my heart i alway have someone important to me... i wish to let her know... i really like her... and i want to know more about her... i wish i can hold her tight... and never let go... all i can do now is wait... until the day we meet... i wish to tell her in person... even if rejected... i will alway wish she is happy forever... because i know myself is not a very good person... there is alot of other people better then me... to me.. if i really love her... she must be happy... that is good enough for me... if she is unhappy because of her partner... i will kill that idiot that make her unhappy...

People alway say must live a happy life but in a city how to live a happy live if you are alone almost everytime... and the air is bad and almost everywhere is noisy... can't even take a nap... -.-

Today abit Emo lol too long didn't blog liao hahaha and because of what my friends is going though i think alot...

I want to cherish everyone important to me... ck...js... and all my friends... her too...
If fate is cruel and break us apart then why must i follow this freaking rule...
I will make my own fate!! See if gods really exist!! or they are just dogs that human created!!!(if people don't agree with me don't come scold me can liao =x)